Happy May Day! Happy New Month and Friday.  Are we hopeful? Are we at least trying to be? Are we gonna find gratitude even when the world as we know it keeps falling down around us? Hell yes, we are, that’s what we do.  That’s how we keep our head above water on the really heavy days, and there have been so many heavy days.  Come take a look at what has rocked my face off this week. Welcome back to Faceless Friday.  

Shelter.  There were so many times I prayed and begged the Universe for a home like I am living in now.  After my house by the lake got foreclosed on after the market crash bubble pop bullshit, I was misplaced over and over again.  I lived wherever I could, with whomever I could.  Me and my Nico dog just rambling on as we floated through life trying to find a way to function as I dealt with courts, stalkers, ptsd and a divorce.  It was a lot.  I rambled for six years, all over, and added a Josie dog. And when I had my son, I really got serious about needing a space big enough for him to run and grow in, with a yard to do the same so I could teach him all the things outdoors.  I have lived in this house the longest I have ever lived anywhere, including my childhood.  I am grateful my son has known stability.  I am grateful the last eight years of Nico’s life were calm(ish) and filled with love and routine, and I am grateful that Josie is experiencing the same in here old age.  We get to have fires, grow things, do yard work and we have some phenomenal neighbors. I am so grateful and beyond amazed that this home has seen so many milestones in my life.  The passing of my father, the fostering of my kiddo’s cousins, the breaking and remaking of my heart, and the growth and love of a Momma and her son.  Having a home rocks my face off.  

Friends.  Man, have I been in a shell of fuck lately.  Not mad, not even really sad, just really…. done. With people.  With people needing me.  With people in general.  Like… I just can’t pour anything from my cup anymore because my cup is not refilling right now. Bone. Dry.  I am grateful for friends that have been with me for so long that they know this happens and they don’t take it personal and just let me do my butterfly thing.  That’s what I call it.  I have to go into my cocoon and when I am ready I’ll be the butterfly everyone needs again.  I’m goo right now, and that is okay.  That doesn’t make me a bad person, as I once thought it did.  Turns out I am allowed to step back for my own sanity and do whatever the fuck I want and need.  Which is hilarious seeing as I actually KNEW that when I was around 13 to 15 years old and then it got shamed out of me…. Perimenopause really is becoming your teenage self again and doing it unapologetically. I am so fucking here for it.  Also, my music taste is still top tier and my personality is still the most attractive thing about me.  Having the same friends now that I did then? That rocks my face off. 

I think that is all I have for today for Faceless Friday, I have to work on my super secret other project I am hoping to show you guys very soon.  Until next week here are the other things that rocked my face off this week: 

Coffee, hazelnut creamer, my kiddo, new music, laughter, strength training, bills being paid (by the grace of all that is holy and good), boundaries, socks, soft water, clean clothes, the little nest my quilts make with me in them on my bed, plants still waking up even though it’s fucking cold again, my brother fixing my mower!, not going into a ptsd tailspin when my hand got bruised from working on my car, the neighbors checking on me cause I hadn’t mowed lmao, painting, and YOU dear reader, for rocking it with me for another week.  I appreciate you more than you know. Thank you for showing up for me.