We made it another week my friends.  Another Friday is here, and that means it is time for Faceless Friday.  Welcome back.  Grab some coffee, an energy drink, tea, or whatever your beverage of choice is and settle in for a few minutes while we explore the week and what rocked my face off.  Thank you, as always, for being here.  YOU truly, and always, rock my face off.  Let’s begin! 

Kicking Ass.  I would say this is a humble brag, but it isn’t.  This is a full on “look at me and what I did” brag.  I have ALL my kid’s school supplies and clothes bought!!  I have been buying a little here and there as I can afford it since school got out last year and saving back what we had left over from last year and I am so excited to not have to beg for help this year! He has an assortment of different plain boring shirts (he chose because apparently, we don’t do Minecraft clothes anymore) and he finally agreed to a new book bag.  All of this has me feeling so accomplished and like a real life grown up.  Like, I even got the Kleenexes that are required on the list.  We even have a few extra things to donate to the teacher’s stash for other kids that may not have everything!  When you have such a tight and fixed income, things like this are so big and feel so good.  Side note, if I ever do become filthy rich expect to see a pallet of “back to school boxes” for people in need- cause you can actually buy those! How amazing would that be? You think God keeps me poor because they are aware I would be poor again within a year because I would give all my money away? Wonder if I could do fifty fifty and convince skydaddy otherwise.  (I actually heard Hekate cackle at this I think) Anyway, providing for my kid and him not stressing about any of it? Fucking rocks my face off. 

Maintaining. My house is still clean.  I know that’s probably not a big deal as it “should” be clean, but I have had a hatred for dishes ever since my dad made me do 3 weeks worth as a child… also it hurts my fucking back to stand at the sink and deal with them.  BUT I have been keeping that kitchen clean like I’m on The Bear.  We even made chocolate chip cookies and had about fifty million dishes dirty.  This is when I would have normally left them.  I would have gotten overwhelmed and put it all off and said fuck it and let them sit for however long, months maybe.  Instead, I acknowledged that.  I acknowledged to myself that if I didn’t wash all of those dishes, they would end up sitting there and I would end up back in the mess I was a month ago.  I told myself how well I have been doing and how good it feels to wake up every morning, walk downstairs and walk into a clean kitchen with the sun coming through the windows.  Feeling good about my space again rocks my face off. 

The Racoon Army.  Really all the feral and wild beings that bless this property, but the racoons have been the most entertaining lately.  I finally figured out where their den entrance is so I can watch when they march out at dusk to start their “hunt” for food.  Years ago my son and I took an old kennel and made it a “house” for all the feral cats.  They never used it and instead set up shop under my neighbors house.  The cat house sat for years with straw, a reinforced tarp roof, and a little tikes play set.  I don’t mow around it so that the wild animals feel safe to use it.  It has large tree branches down around it and is really a little safe haven for rabbits, cats, groundhogs, and as I discovered raccoons.  Their den entrance just so happens to be in the cat house.  I have now seen them climb all over it and even use the little slide from the playset.  It is hilarious and I am so grateful my bedroom window overlooks all of it.  I keep worrying about them and the feral cats getting into a fight but they all respect each other’s schedules and space so far.  Also, the new orange tom cat has taken to laying out by the barn watching at night for when I put his food out.  Feeding schedule is looking like this: Orange Tom Cat, old raggedy momma cat, grey cat, sometimes grey and white dick face cat (he literally has grey penis shape markings on his face), then the racoons, then the possums, then the racoons come and finish it all up if anything is left. And yes, I will continue to feed them because if I don’t they spite me and cross the road and that is dangerous as fuck and my heart can not handle cleaning any of them off the road. So…. all that cute good stuff rocks my face off. 

Anger catching up to me.  You know how when you are younger you let shit slide because you are afraid to rock the boat?  Afraid you will lose people and cause ripples in your life?  Thank fuck as you get older you start not giving a fuck.  The problem is I keep looking back at things I glossed over, forgave, pretended didn’t matter and being all “What the actual fuck”- like no… that was actually really fucked up of you and I’m not okay with it.  This is both a blessing and a curse I think.  I can understand why I didn’t have the support I needed because people always thought I didn’t need it, but fuck…. I am so tired of everyone acting like my life hasn’t been one big fucking tragedy with like three or four highlights.  I’m not even saying this as a negative person, or to be shitty, I am saying this as a person on the other side of it, looking back and being all “damn, someone should have cared more”. I know everyone will say I didn’t ask for help. I wouldn’t accept help. Or some version of that… and that is all very true.  I think what I am upset about now is everyone acting like it was all okay.  Like their feelings in my life and MY trauma mattered more than my survival and terror.  I don’t know if that makes sense, but I think I am saying I am tired of not mattering to the people that say I matter.  I’m done being everyone’s counselor and whipping boy.  It’s my turn, and if you aren’t adding love and support to my life I just don’t have the energy for you. 

Okay! Wow, that was a long one, eh? Let’s rap it up with the quick list of things that rocked my face off this week! 

Coffee, cold brew coffee! (I learned how to make my own), hazelnut creamer, playing Uno with my kid even though he is fucking cutthroat and a legend, a new internet provider because fuck losing service every other day for days at a time, my new mumu (still, yes), new music!!!!, peppermint essential oils, cracking myself up, dance parTays, waking up to purrs even if that means I have a cat on each side of my face (still allergic btw), allergy meds, how fucking funny people are in TikTok comments, my brother’s back surgery going well, my youngest niece asking if I am a gypsy, my wildflower beds doing well despite the weather, and YOU.  You all rock!