Good morning Craughers. I know it’s been a long time since I stopped and posted a Faceless Friday, and for that I apologize.  It has been hard to catch my breath and put into words any sort of gratitude while also drowning.  We all know that in these times gratitude is the most important thing we can reach for, and all though I quietly thank the Universe for the blessings I have daily, maybe that is not enough to tip the scales at times?  Maybe we need to scream our gratitude out loud in our darkest hours to shed light in the darkest corners? I don’t know. I’m winging it over here.  Either way, happy Friday and welcome to Faceless Friday where I list out what has rocked my face off in the past week.

Let us begin.

Friends that get it, try to get it, want to get it or at least take shit seriously. I know that people do not understand the fear and anxiety I must deal with daily dealing with a psychopath stalker.  I know that I am not the best at expressing myself and that fear at times, but when I say that a demoniac man is out to get me and is making my life hell I am not exaggerating.  This is not something I am talking about for entertainment or to gossip about.  This is the safety of my child and the safety of his only active parent.  This is my fucking life, and it is being threatened daily and no one that “should” (ie. Police, courts, etc) helping me is helping.  I am soul fucking tired of dealing with this fucker and twenty years of this nonsense is twenty too long.  All of that to say that I appreciate those of you that do try to understand, that try and try to find me a safe place to stay when the threat goes from orange to red, and that aren’t dismissive.  Thank you for seeing me, hearing me and letting me know that I matter and that if shit does go wayward the county has a big ass fight on their hands. 

My ancestors. Did I bawl like a child feeling love for the first time all the way home from dropping the kiddo off at school this morning when I decided to call on my Grandparents for help and love this morning? Yes. Yes, I did.  Do I also write mega long run on sentences? Also yes, but that’s not the point.  The point is sometimes we have to talk to the dead.  Sometimes we need the people that have left us to remind us that we are loveable and worthy of love.  My grandparents were always that for me growing up.  The only people that treated me like a child, that tried to protect me and love me at my innocence and just accepted me for everything I was.  I am so grateful that I at least have those memories of love to gather strength and inspiration from when I need it the most.

Anger.  When I had to face this stalker bullshit in 2011 I did not have anger.  I felt guilt and sadness. I felt bad that I was taking a child’s father away by sending someone to prison.  I felt bad that I somehow caused the whole mess.   I continued for other women.  I wanted to protect others from him and others like him, it wasn’t about me at all.  Not anymore.  Because what in the actual fuck!?  Yes, I still want to protect other women (of course!) but this is more than that, and I am so fucking disgusted and mad that when I tell someone to leave me the hell alone I have to not only fight him I have to fight the local court systems, and sheriff departments to be taken seriously.  I am angry because I have a right to feel safe in my own home.  I am angry because when a dumb fuck claims I put a microchip in him that should be grounds for a fucking protective order.  I am angry because it is the best motivator to keep moving forward and face him and all of the people that have failed me along the way.  I am angry because I deserve to be heard and I deserve justice.

Okay… I’m gonna wrap up with a short list of things that have also rocked my face off and get busy taking a shower.

Coffee, music, my son, my doggos, my plants sprouting new leaves after Moonshadow tried to kill them, sunrises earlier!, hot water, heat, a paycheck, clean dishes, clean laundry, witch bitch shit, and YOU for reading all of this and still hanging around. Thank you dear reader for being here.