I have treated my birthday (tomorrow) as my own personal New Years since I was a kid, so I am super excited that Faceless Friday falls right in line with the year in review for 2025 as I close out this chapter.  For those that are newer here, my year in review is just that, looking at the past year and seeing what lessons I have learned and what tomfoolery has happened.  Faceless Friday is a collection of things that have rocked my face off and is a weekly expression of gratitude.  This week we get to combine these and see what amazing things this past year has delivered that rocked my face off!  Let’s fucking go!! 

Please remember nothing is in order as my brain really doesn’t work like that. 

Surviving NBK, again.  When my stalker started using the court system to abuse me and try and see me, I lost hope like I had never before.  The system is not built to protect victims, and every lawsuit he filed had to be met with a response, even if every one of them was absolutely ridiculous.  (I promise I can be evil, but I would never install a neurotransmitter in someone and continue to let them try and destroy me, like come the fuck on) I wrote letters, I worked with the victims’ advocate, I worked with the prosecutor.  It all felt overwhelming and never ending.  During one of the last lawsuits I wrote a letter to the Judge asking for a permanent dismissal so that NBK wouldn’t be able to keep filing such bullshit.  I sent it to my friend (OG KT) and she had a lawyer look at it for me, and when I say the Universe decided to provide help, my god did it provide in the form of that lawyer.  Without me even having to explain what type of person NBK is, this man knew exactly who we were dealing with, what needed done and how we were going to handle it and handle it thoroughly.  I felt so taken care of, seen, understood and finally relieved to not be drowning myself in a court system not built to help me.   We had one appearance in court.  NBK stared at me the entire time.  THE. ENTIRE. TIME. To the extent that even the deputies were concerned and made sure he was well out of the building and area before they would let me leave. I am thankful they finally took it seriously, pissed it took all of that for them too.  My lawyer wrote up the most brilliant five-page response to the lawsuit after that.  So brilliant I still bring it up to read when I need a reminder of how good God is and how people do and will see me.   Once it was all laid out for NBK to read and see, he called my lawyer and apologized, said of course I didn’t do anything wrong (all recorded btw) and that he would be dismissing everything immediately.  For being heard, seen and finally having that nightmare end I am so fucking grateful.  Having someone help me rocked my face off.  NBK still drives past my house, still gets tattoos that he shouldn’t, so I know I will never fully be relieved of him until he is in the ground, but for the peace I have felt anyway I am grateful.  I am grateful that I am strong enough to keep my son and myself safe.  I am grateful I have had people try to at least understand this whole mess and be here for me, and I am grateful after 23 years of this nightmare it hasn’t ended me.  Having the strength I have fucking rocks my face off. 

Releasing Layers. Your girl has been in therapy since her twenties because my goodness this life has not been kind and well, I didn’t know how to have my own emotions.  Like seriously, I had to learn how to feel my own feelings instead of everyone else’s… on the little kid faces of emotions sheet.  I’ve come a long fucking way.  This year I started EMDR Therapy because it has been shown to work wonders with people with PTSD and CPTSD.  It has been so amazing and hard and such an experience.  My therapist had been trying to get me to do it for three years before I finally gave in, and I’m so glad she was persistent.  I was so worried the memories and feelings would crush me, but it turns out I can rewire my brain and can parent and love that little girl that needed it so badly as a child.  That healing and work has led to me being more open to healing and removing other layers in my life and I am so grateful for that.  I have been able to see so many patterns, armor and walls I have clinged too, and ways I have used distractions to keep myself small instead of moving forward with my dreams.  Healing rocks my face off.  

Seeing People for Who They Are. This is something I have ALWAYS struggled with, and I am so excited to say I am getting SO much better at it! It may take me a minute, but I am seeing people for who they are way faster than I ever did.  I’ll admit I have clinged to the idea of a person or two this past year, but once I really sit with that, I am able to let that go as well.  To look at patterns, to see past what they show the world and actually see the child they are hiding, to be able to understand the hurt, fear and lies they have to hang on to too feel safe, that rocks, because I can do that from a safe distance and wish them the best without bleeding out for them like I would in the past.  I can see that I made some unhealthy choices by not dipping when I should have, I can forgive myself for that and move on.  AND I can keep my mouth shut.  (This is the hardest for me, as I am a healer and a teacher and want to level people up SO badly) I can focus on what is on it’s way and let it all go. This, this rocks the most when your whole life has been choosing the same poison and hoping it doesn’t kill you this time.  

Creating!  During the Spring Equinox I decided I would create everyday (again) and I am so proud to say I have! I have written, or done some sort of artwork, or built something every day since March 20^th! It feels so good to be back in the flow of my life and to be open to that change if need be.  I had stopped art before because it started being more of a job then fun, now that I quit doing it for pay I just do whatever the fuck I want, and honestly some of it is terrible and makes me laugh, and that makes me happy too. I think it is very important to not take ourselves so seriously and to challenge ourselves in new and interesting ways as often as we can.  Doing that and embodying that rocks my face off. 

Okay, I think this has gotten long enough, and I’m sure there is a ton more I could go into depth about, but I’ve got stuff to do and I’m sure you do too. Let’s wrap this year up with our quick list: 

Coffee (always and forever, amen), cinnamon, hazelnut and peppermint creamer (no not together, weirdo), my kiddo and his sense of humor, heart and stubbornness, my doggos!,  honestly Nico making it to SEVENTEEN (I am so fucking blessed), my friends, music!!, passwords to accounts I can’t afford (thanks fam), my neighbor showing me what a good dad would have been like and setting the bar high as fuck for men, financial help coming through when I need it, Toys for Tots, hot water, heat, electric blanket!!, knowing my body, being so close to what I wanted that I know what I want is out there, manifestations, kindness, letting go with love and disgust, my youngest brother and our connection growing even more this year, my other brother and our connection growing even more this year, breathing, making it another year skating by without doing my neck surgery, teaching my son things I should have been taught, and YOU dear Craugher.  Thank you for joining me on this journey. I am so grateful for you. Always.  

All love. All ways. Always. 

Craughing Girl.