Happy Friday Craughers, and welcome back to Faceless Friday.  If you are new here Faceless Friday is where I list out all of the things that rocked my face off in the past week.  I have found in my life that an attitude of gratitude really is a game changer, so I started this tradition 15 years ago or close to it. And the harder our lives are the more we need to find the gratitude.  Sometimes that can be the simplicity and complexity of seeing the sun in the sky, and sometimes that can be the overwhelming joy of having someone to lean on.  Nothing is too small or too large to be grateful for.  Let’s look at my week and see what rocked my face off and if you feel like sharing, I would LOVE to hear more of your gratitude stories! 

Growing Up How I Did.   I didn’t have the best childhood, but the lessons I learned in survival and the land around us is something to be so proud of, especially in today’s world when nature is not common and people are losing the knowledge that is passed down from generations.  I was lucky enough to know both sets of great grandparents and grandparents and learn from all of them.  My maternal grandparents and great grandparents taught me SO much about growing things, the soil, trees, making maple syrup, what is edible and not, how to track and find my way… all sorts of things I probably don’t even realize I know actually.  I was lucky enough to learn how to garden and can and freeze from my family.  How to raise cows and bottle feed the babies.  How to respect nature and admire the way the Earth smells when a storm is rolling in. It rocks my face off that there are still so many of my generation teaching younger generations these things so that when this mess collapses we will still be okay.  We still know what to do and how to do it.  It’s all been done before.  

People being who they are. Or rather me seeing them for who they are and just riding the wave of knowing.  A liar will remain a liar.  An abuser will remain an abuser.  A user will remain a user. And so on.  People like that do not change, no matter how hard you wish for them to or how much they tell you they have.  Even on his death bed my father remained the same man he was his whole life, and honestly that should have been enough for me to see people for who they are.  But the thing is when you grow up abused and neglected, you seek out the same in other people hoping that in adulthood you can change that cycle.  That somehow you can “prove” to a different version of your parents that you are worthy of attention, affection and being chosen.  It really is a heartbreaking and disgusting cycle once you realize it is what it is. I of course thought I had gotten out of it when I left my son’s father.  I have been single for eight years.  I do dabble from time to time with crushes though and fuck me if this last one wasn’t the EXACT FUCKING SAME lame ass cycle of fuck.  I’m laughing now because of how ridiculous it is.  Me practically begging the lamest, fakest dude to “pick”  me… fucking gross.. But necessary I think for finally closing the chapter on the cycle.   For learning that last little bit about myself that I kept denying and pretending didn’t exist.  And maybe next time when I see the red flag at the beginning I will just nope the fuck out? God I hope so.  I hope that is what I learned.  So, seeing who I am for who I am and people for the messes they are, rocks my face off.  

The “Other” Dog. Ever since Josie Girl was out of her puppy stage she has been “the other dog”.  Always, Nico and Josie, my other dog.  Now that Nico has passed and Josie is the “only” dog our adjustment has been weird but somehow we have worked together on it.  She won’t go to the back yard anymore so we go to the front yard and I get to talk shit about how all the neighbors can see me in my weird ass outfits and she gets to sniff where rabbits and the feral cats go.  This morning, I accidentally put food in Nico’s bowl and we just stared at each other until I picked it up and dumped it in hers.  She gets to come in the living room again (Nico wasn’t allowed because he leaked pee in his old age).  She still steps to the side waiting for me to hook him up to the leash to go outside first, but we are working on it. She had him her entire life and I was so afraid that she would be so lost and broken without him that I would lose her too (she is 13), but I think we are going to be okay.  I think honoring our Nico and our hearts but still being okay rocks my face off. (Even if we are going to miss him every day forever) 

Okay, now that I’m good and crying and this has gotten long as hell let’s do the round up list! Here are the other things that have rocked my face off this past week, in no particular order (other than, yes, that’s right, coffee, God you know me so well): 

Coffee, hazelnut creamer, knowing that when I say “there is mommy’s hawk it really is because they stay within a 2.2-mile radius, letting my kid be angry and emotional without making fun of him or any of that bs I had to go through- feel those feels kid, seeing tiny green things peeking out of the ground!!, birds, pain meds, knowing that Mercury is retrograde so everything is fucked and I can ignore everyone for at least three weeks guilt free, not throwing this laptop for pissing me off, having a working bathroom cause in my twenties I definitely lived on a lake that had water issues, music (always and forever, amen), the sunrise, knowing that my magic and manifestations are working double time even if I can’t see it yet, and YOU dear reader.  Thank you for being here yet again this week. I appreciate you more than you know. You rock my face off the most! 

Much love, all ways, always. 

Craughing Girl