This morning’s Faceless Friday’s delay brought to you by: cold, rain and not remembering to take my meds sooner. I may have also had to finish, yet another, audiobook… We are here now! Coffee in hand, cake next to me and the dogs glaring because… well, cake. Let’s get started on what rocked my face off this week. Welcome back to Faceless Friday!

Mister Man turned 6! Can you believe I have been a mother for six years? ME either! You know that poem where they talk about how the nights are long and the years are short? I feel that. Everyone is always telling me to enjoy this “while it lasts” and I know they mean well, but this kid is not easy and can be pretty damn mean sometimes.  He can also be the most thoughtful and kindhearted person I have ever met. I think mostly I am amazed that we are still chugging along.  That no matter what has happened in the last six years we have faced it together and have had as much fun as we can along the way.  I had such high hopes for me as a mother, and it turns out I am just the same as I ever was except for now my heart walks around outside of my body with a gigantic attitude and an even bigger soul.  My little miracle dude rocks every day.

Nico Harper Man Dog Extraordinaire and his Amazing Side Kick Josephine Pearl Nico Harper also had a birthday! That old man dog of mine is 14! (or 16 depending on which vet you ask) and still the most loving, patient and cuddle hungry dude ever.  I can’t really mention little dude turning six without mentioning how well the dogs have handled the last six years. (I literally just laughed out loud) because some days, some days, me and the dogs just look at each other like what the actual fuck.  I like to think that they prepared me for some of motherhood. The part where I can’t pee or shower or go into any rooms alone.  The part where I have to always be weary of where I walk so I don’t step on a living thing. Mostly the part where I just love so much and so hard I cry for no other reason than just that, love.  My son is this way too, hence the moods, because sensitivity is allowed to thrive and live in this house. Being a dog here has to rock, but being the mom to witness the love of the beasts between not only each other, but also the skin puppy (my son hates it when I call him that) is breathtaking and definitely rocks my face off.

Breaking Generational Bullshit.  And since I am all weepy and in my feelings about dogs and sons and meds not kicking in yet, let’s talk about some heavier shit.  We weren’t allowed pets growing up, not before my mom left my abusive father that is.  And when we did have pets he disposed of them in the cruelest and most gut wrenching ways that I won’t trouble you with here.  We also weren’t allowed emotions, well except for anger, and that was typically laughed at.  So hear me dear readers, when I say that it is hard raising my son because he has so many emotions and feels so deeply, I am not saying he is above average in this aspect, or weird or what have you… I am saying that I did not learn how to process my own emotions at six, or any age really, and that it feels like a lot when I, a 42 year old mother, is still trying to learn how to feel my feelings.  How to recognize my own feelings is a challenge daily and sometimes I have to have other people (healthy people, like my therapist) help me figure out what I am feeling.  My Nico Dog, and then his tag along Josie Girl were my first pets, my first real brave attempt at loving something so freely and so wholly that knowing when they leave me I will be crushed beyond measure.  That bravery, that first step I took when I got Nico 12 years ago still rocks my face off, because without loving him, without the bravery of being able to love something else I would not be here.  Having pets, loving them, and learning to feel and accept feelings is one of my most brilliant life goals.

And because this Faceless Friday has been all over the place and things need done around the house I am going to wrap it up for this week.  Little man and I are going to play laser tag with his friend tonight for his birthday (also a brand new six year old!) and Mister Man woke up so excited.  I have all of our black clothes in the washer now for the occasion. Let’s do a roundup list of the smaller and not so small things that have rocked my face off this week.  Also, I would love to hear from YOU and what has rocked for you this week!

COFFEE!!, audiobooks, my washer and dryer still somehow working, a plan to get my car working again, heavy duty plastic for my cold ass windows, this fancy tape stuff for my doors that has plastic on one side to keep cold out, the birthday boy’s poop cake turning out, creamer, plants, the feral cat family, my friends, sunshine, winter boots, and YOU dear reader. Thank you for being here.