Good morning Craughers! Welcome to another Faceless Friday, and a 12/12 day? The 12/12 Portal this year is about closing out the last 15 years of bullshit and I am all for it. I would like to close out that loop of bullshit and never revisit it as a lesson again, thank you very much. But, I wouldn’t have gotten through any of those lessons, as hard as they were, without gratitude, and Faceless Friday has been a strong reason for that, so let’s do a big ass recap of the last 15 years of Faceless Friday!? Fuck yes. Let’s go.

Repeating Relationships. First we have to look at where I was in 2011. Divorce, being abused by a stalker, then going to court against said stalker (NBK). Also, there should have been way MORE charges, lucky bastard. So, that was chaotic, scary and hard, and then I got with a “nicer” version of him. LMAO omg and just continued that cycle of abusive mean ass men until my kiddo was born. Once I disconnected from men completely to raise my son and focus on not dating I saw my pattern so clearly it knocked the wind out of me. And then I had to learn where I picked up that pattern, and why. Being able to recognize core wounds for what they are and how they have played out in significant ways in my life rocks my face off.

Back Overhaul. Can’t really talk about the last 15 years without mentioning that my lower back was reconstructed which gave me such an amazing chance to take life back on. When I moved home from Wisconsin I was bed ridden from pain and had to wait for EVER to get medial insurance changed to my home state. It was one of the most humbling years of my life, laying in my mom’s living room, praying for relief but also shedding years of ego. Growing through pain and finding gratitude even when I couldn’t walk. And then I had my surgery. Learned to use my back again and threw myself all the way into physical therapy. I felt like I was given a second chance at happiness and that rocked my face off.

Miracle Baby. And then I got pregnant. Something I was told couldn’t happen and surprise Shawty. Baby boy and I was still growing my back bones. My surgeon and pain doctor were PISSED but besides being anemic as fuck and sick the first trimester I honestly felt so fucking good. Those pregnancy hormones made my back and nerves feel better than they ever had. They should honestly figure out a way to bottle that shit up without the side effect of a child. I mean, I want my child, but like now that I don’t want more children. You know what I mean. Anyway. He’s amazing, this boy of mine. Funny as hell, so smart, kind and sensitive like his momma. Every day with him feels like a miracle and I am so lucky I get to be his Momma. That kid always rocks my face off, even when he’s telling 67 jokes.

Nico Harper! I can’t talk about the last fifteen years of my life without talking about my soul dog! I can’t believe I skipped him in the order of things… I got Nico when I was first dealing with the abuse and stalking of NBK. And that dog has been by my side ever since. My best friend, my comfort, my everything. He is now 17, still feels every emotion I have and still wants all of the cuddles. Of course his sidekick Josie is still making us batty too. Luckily, after 13 years Nico tolerates her now. These dogs have always rocked my face off.

Craughing. Having taken so many breaks from writing and still having so many of you here when I pop backup ROCKS. I will never be able to express the gratitude I have for all of you and how you have helped me through so much.

Well, that’s about it. 15 years shrunk down to five major life forces. It’s been one hell of a ride, and I can’t wait to see what the next part of my adventure looks like!

Let’s do a genera list too! Here are other things that have rocked my face off in the last 15 years:

Coffee (obviously), being a foster mom, keeping me and my son safe, becoming the parent I needed, allowing my relationships with my brothers room to grow and mature, being able to help my Dad pass over, becoming more unapologetically me, being able to support new artists, still having my old ass friends and letting them know they are older than me, “new” friendships that are at least 5 years deep now, my neighbor becoming like I imagine a real dad would be like, and once again YOU. Thank you for being here!

All love. All ways. Always.

Craughing Girl.