Good morning Craughers.  It’s super early and only the animals and I are awake. I have things to (try) and accomplish today so I’m going to get my head right and do the gratitude first. Let’s talk about what rocked my face off this week.

Let’s start with the hard stuff, because this morning the voice in my head is down right evil. I learned, somewhere in my 20s, that I could tell that voice to shut up. Twenty years later and I still have to start most mornings the same way. Listening to my inner demon tell me how everything sucks, how I’m a failure,  how I’m this or that…. it’s exhausting to wake up to. Some days I can simply say “we aren’t doing this today” and move on. On days like today,  I have to get shitty back and say “you’re being fucking mean. You’re lying and being mean for no reason and for fuck sakes it’s not even seven. Shut it” And repeat until it does in fact, shut it. Life is hard enough, there is no need to listen to that nonsense. Being able to silence that, rocks. Even if it takes awhile.

Clean dishes. I did the damn things. After weeks… and that’s no exaggeration, I did the dishes and I’m so proud of myself and my body for plowing through them. My body is failing and standing at the sink physically hurts so it gets put off and put off and it’s gross and embarrassing. But I did the fuckers and for the few days where there are hardly any dishes at all… that rocks.

Battle cries. Court for the stalker gor canceled because they “couldn’t ” serve him with the million addresses I gave them. My friends being more pissed then me is a little awkward but still a good reminder of why I have them. I may not fully give a shit about myself, but they sure as hell do. The system is so broken and so ridiculous and exhausting and I’ve just been numb to all of it… I’m glad to have support when I can’t seem to support myself. And if their Battle cries help me to find the courage to change some things locally for other women, then that’s all the better.

The little one is stumbling down the stairs asking for food before school so I’m going to wrap this up.

Thank you for being here. YoU rock my face off.