And sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever make me feel truly alive again. Set my skin and soul ablaze with their mouth, their touch, their gaze. Rekindle the fire within my body and remind me that I am a woman, untamed, wild and free. Someone to release me from this self-imposed prison of limitations I have placed upon myself and my sexuality.

To be completely free with someone in my nakedness, my wholeness and my devine feminine power sounds like a fever dream. A dream I have clung to for five years, never allowing myself to get close enough to giving my celibacy away in fear the relationship would not last.  The thought of getting my heart ripped to shreds (again) making me physically ill.

I have always viewed sex as sacred. A giving, a taking, that is spiritual and connecting in ways that my heart can not handle in casual ways. When I give my body to someone, I am giving mySELF and all that I am to that person. I can not give less of myself, I can not offer any less than all of me. For that reason I stopped offering myself to anyone. Vowed to wait for someone that could fully understand and appreciate what sacredness I was offering.

But, it is 2023 and this notion is silly to so many people, and most do not understand. Or it is seen as a challenge. Who can break down these false walls I have placed upon myself and take five years of celibacy and dip? Who can flirt with the idea of unleashing the wild and powerful sexual goddess that I am, only to run and hide when realistic expectations arise? Am I stupid for placing so much emphasis on sex and what it means to me, or are others not taking it seriously enough?