I don’t necessarily know what to say… I don’t know that my saying anything actually means anything, but I need to write, and I need to feel, so here we are. I don’t have any answers, and there are a lot of people right now screaming and yelling that they do (have answers) and a lot of it feels very overwhelming on an already taxed out nervous system.  The truth is if we are white, we have not been here before.  We have not experienced the fear of being killed in the street and the entire narrative changed and our character examined with a magnifying glass to “justify” our murder.  We have not had it drilled into us that the “authority” figures are dangerous and lethal and that we have to act a certain way to stay alive, even in a setting that should not warrant such behavior.  

And there will always be those that say it is not about race, but our whole system was founded on racism and on the backs of people rich old white men deemed less than.  Built law by law, town by town on keeping people separated and divided.  And then it became about even more; it became about class as well.  Not only are people less in the eyes of billionaires for their skin, but also for their economic standing.  Something that many have died over when they have tried to unite people (Fred Hampton is a prime example).  

Our country is on fire in a very real and scary way, and it is natural to feel the overwhelm of a taxed out nervous system, but I think maybe it is also okay to want the country to change from the ground up.  In fact, I think it is necessary at this point.  Can you imagine a country that does not hide it’s wounds and shame, but rather teaches it?  A nation that embraces its terrible doings instead of white washing all of its history so that future generations respect and honor the people that were here before colonization.  Generations that learn from the beginning that our people of color were the backbone of everything and the creators of the most amazing things?  And that, like our ancestors believed, America is for everyone and is the “melting pot” of the world.  

So, as everything crumbles and burns I am going to hold on to this sliver of hope that we are birthing a new nation and that we are in the labor pains.  I know we have all seen the worst of the worst of people the last few years, but I also believe we have also learned who the good guys are; the knowing of both is important.  I believe that at any point and time the American Dream can become something so much more than what we were told to want.  We can desire what we deserve: clean water, food, affordable housing, safety, healthcare, and a community that is safe for all people.  I for one am so fucking ready.